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We all remember hearing phrases from the elders (grandmothers, mothers, neighbors ...) that for some things or for others have been recorded (Who has not heard that of 'you who believe, what am the Bank of Spain? 'When he asked for money?).
Many times we do not realize the importance of what we hear around us. Customs are like folders with information that is recorded in our brain and we keep them there forever so that our central computer uses them when they are needed.
The same happens with those phrases that we have heard from our parents; When we go to that moment in our life, we give it the interpretation it deserves. Many of them are part of popular wisdom, of that part of education that we are acquiring subliminally and that later becomes so valid for us.
Many of us grew up listening to phrases like 'while you live in this house you will do what I tell you' and saying others like 'my parents don't listen to me' or 'you are always against what I say'. There are phrases we used to say when we were teenagers that we are going to hear now as parents. This is a great advantage since it assumes that we know something because we have already lived it, which will allow us to use our weapons correctly and empathize with that complicated stage of adolescence.
It is important that we connect with how we felt when we said those phrases in our teenage years. Let's close our eyes for a second, repeat one of those phrases and try to feel what we were feeling at that moment ... What happened? Is it true that we feel that emotion of incomprehension that we felt then?
Our parents did not listen to us, they always wanted to be right, they did not understand what was important to us. Many of us realize as adults that our parents did the best they knew how, taking the best that they were taught.
When we are teenagers, we feel that our parents are always against what we say but when we reach adulthood we can come to empathize with what they felt, with the fear that they could feel when facing the unknown, that world that posed them. a teenager wanting to be himself.
Because that is one of the main objectives of adolescents: to become oneself, to become that person who makes a mistake and learns from him, who wants to discover new things for himself, different ways of doing it.
Objective for parents: listen, not argue, understand and advise our teenage children.
1. First, let us realize that listening is hearing more interpreting. What we have to learn is to listen, in an empathic way, that helps us connect with the emotion, being attentive to what our child says and feels. We have to be patient and paraphrase what he tells us to confirm that we understand him. Let's not forget that for us one of the most complicated things is turning off our internal radio; it is the hardest job we have to do.
2. Furthermore, we should never make judgments; You have to be aware that we are constantly making judgments, so you have to be aware of this.
3. Nor should we discuss, we must stop interrupting assuming that we know what the other is going to tell us because that way we would catch up with him, we would be putting our power over him.
4. It is important to confirm that what we have understood has to do with what they feel and finally, always ask if they want our advice and help from our experience.
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