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Over-parenting causes immaturity and frustration in children

Over-parenting causes immaturity and frustration in children

The problem of hyper-parenting, that is, that need to solve all the problems of our children, to the point of anticipating them, is a hot topic.

We could summarize his reasoning as follows: I love him so much that when I see that this or that thing is a danger or can make him suffer, as a mother or father, I understand that I have to avoid itIn the same way that when he is hungry I feed him or when he is cold I clothe him.

However, experience ends up showing that, in addition to being a practice that generates certain levels of stress and burden on parents,This hyperprotection causes in children, among others, future problems of frustration and immaturity, since life establishes with all of us, in our adult life, a dialogue that we must know how to speak, and the more words we have in our vocabulary, the better; but if in our childhood we have not been allowed to experience realities such as denial, or responsibility, words that are otherwise widely used in life, our language will be rather poor.

It is not an easy subject, reason points to some things but the heart seems to pull the other way. I propose a vision that allows us to get on both sides, which consists of seeing our children as living beings, in an expansion process in which we participate, and we can enjoy, provided we bear in mind that said expansion must meet two requirements: experimental, and own.

- ExperimentalBecause, by way of example, they are not going to learn to walk based on explanations, but with practice, giving themselves a few great asses and receiving the appropriate stimuli and help to end up supporting themselves; taking him by the hands, yes, but not carrying him. Also some physiological processes speak clearly in this direction, our son has to experience constipation and flu experimentally so that his body "learns" by its own means to relate to certain pathogens generating the defense mechanisms that allow it to overcome them; And this process is essential if you want to lead a normal life later.

- Own because their expansion, their growth, is not a copy of ours, we have traveled a path and we have an experience to contribute to them, but they do not have to tread exactly in our footsteps. Because he, or she, is the protagonist of his life, and as such he must be assumed in everything that happens to him; if you hit a table, the table is not "bad, bad", but an opportunity to realize what has happened, in order to avoid it in the future. In this way, the relevant role will not be played by something external, the chair, but by him, or her, as the capacity to realize, to learn, and to handle reality.

Respecting these two concepts, experience and protagonism, our participation in this process can be joyful, as long as we enjoy (and, why not, make our) this expansion in which we are, so to speak, aside, pushing, guiding and encouraging, and not on top, being a weight. Thus, instead of transmitting fear and prevention due to dangers that are often to come, and unfathomable, let us share with them day by day the joy of their fulfillment, the pleasure of living, and teaching how to live, the adventure of life.

Jordi Calm Guiteras

Personal adviser

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